This is how we get results.

This is what was left behind.

 

(to be indexed)

They saw everything.

Results.

DAY 90 - the end

i did something different today

DAY 89 - lessons learned/new vision

No surrender.

No fucking hesitation.

In battle there is no law. 

Instincts must be followed.

The precious seed must be sown.

The bloodline must not be interrupted.

This is the righteous path, the path to immortality.

Sometimes you have to fall in order to learn how to stand.

One day until re-birth, one day until a new cycle begins.  I love it, but I hate it.

No more life without sense.

DAY 88 - SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST

the library was closed today for no apparent reason

all of my neighbors are gone but they left their possessions and computer equipment behind

it has begun.


















tonight I have a mission of grave importance

MUNUS SIGSIGGA AG BARA YE
INNIN AGGISH XASHXUR GISHNU URMA
SHAZIGA BARA YE
ZIGASHUBBA NA AGSISHAMAZIGA
NAMZA YE INNIN DURRE ESH AKKI
UGU AGBA ANDAGUB!

day 87 - everything connects

day 86

i think i went to high school with one of those people theyre probably the ones who told on me because they remember me and they know that im shredded now and that im not the same guy so now theyre jealous and probably afraid of me which they should be because im not the same guy they remember and im shredded now

day 85

so i guess im gonna be posting from the library for a little until i get some money. i was thinking about trying to get an agent to do some modeling as i hear you can make good cash for just like a few hours of work which is what a guy like me really should be doing

im not like all these fucking poor people here im not gonna slave away at mcdonalds when someone like me deserves to get paid much better for easier work maybe if they stopped jacking off to porn all day and spending all their time listening to shitty music with their homo friends or cranking babies they could get better jobs or if they worked out maybe theyd have some confidence and wouldnt have to hang out at the library all day looking for shit to do

fucking losers

im going to go into one of the quiet rooms and do a few sets of plyo-pushups

id like to see them stop me

zi kia kanpa (zee-kee-ya-kan-pa)
zi anna kanpa (zee-an-na-kan-pa)
zi dingir kia kanpa (zee-deen-geer-kee-ya-kan-pa)
zi dingir anna kanpa (zee-deen-geer-an-na-kan-pa)
hear me, o thou zulummar
come to me by the powers of the word zulummar

and answer my urgent prayer!
zi kia kanpa
zi anna kanpa

day 84

I await the moment, I am prepared.
There will come a time in life to take control.
To protect thyself and my own.
I will kill if need be.
Society feeds on each other as prey.
I will not become a victim, rather a predator if needed.
Human life means little, little to me.
If you lash at me you have chosen your fate.
Life as you know will cease to exist.

DAY 83

i went to the pawn shop down the road today owned by one of those sleazy shitty foreign dudes......traded in my gay James Hetfield ESP explorer and got something i can really use...


all you jealous internet shit talkers better watch your backs

day 82

just did over 1000 ab-targeting movements....i didnt even count how many different exercises i did

i know they say targeting specific muscles to achieve fat loss and tone doesnt work but they also say that you need to buy drugs to be normal and make all these scientific claims about shit that they probably dont know

the proof comes from experience and my experience tells me these people are full of shit. i know what works

i know what gets results

i know how my body processes energy and food and how FUCKING WASTEFUL it is

just pay attention sometime

what color is it you know? when it comes out

what color do you think it should be? clear

waist waste waist weighs waist waste

day 81

i think i hear people walking around outside of my apartment

its usually quiet so i DEFINITELY NOTICE ANY DIFFERENCE

LITERALLY ANY DIFFERENCE AT ALL

i have some very important ideas and information that i want to get out to the world but im not gonna tell anyone about it just yet because people are going to steal my ideas just look at nikola tesla he died all broke and he was a genius because everyone stole his shit because he went around talking about it instead of doing it and getting the rights and the patents and the copyrights because he wasnt thinking because he was a weak fucking dumbass

but its revolutionary i think. as long as it works which its going to

im sure of it but im not going to let some internet FAGGOT take it

anyway i dont give a fuck who is walking around outside, no one is going to get in unless i let them in here. like a girl or something

i feel sorry for any of the motherfuckers out there who are even considering fucking with me or taking any of my shit or telling me to do something without knowing who they are dealing with

day 80

im gonna write a book on nutrition and workout shit and start my own program and people are going to pay me for it and im going to get rich

SO FUCK YOU

day 79

i am fucking unstoppable

send whoever you want it wont make any fucking difference youre all a bunch of pussies anyway

im on a mission and ive only got 11 more days left and i wont let anything stand in my way. not my stupid shitty family, not my fucking loser friends, not dumb girls, not my fucking asshole landlord or some pig piece of shit

put whatever you want on my door i dont give a fuck im not signing anything. try and stop me you bitches, but you wont because you know you cant so you may as well just bow to me under your own decision before i fucking make you

i told that fucking idiot that i would pay him and catch up and i will because word is bond

day 78

i dunno what happened today

i know that i didnt make the workout too hard because i sat and i diagrammed it out and really did a lot of measurements i mean with the weights that ive been working on and the moves ive been practicing i shouldnt have had any problems

i should have AT LEAST BEEN ABLE TO GO FOR THE THIRD HOUR

AT LEAST AT LEAST AT LEAST

what the fuck
i dont get it
im ready i know im ready i know i am and that i can do this this is what i was made to do this is what my body is being shaped to do to overcome any physical obstacle

endless blockades for the pussyfooter

i can do this im gonna try again tomorrow

day 77

im doing a new workout today thats basically all plyometric weight lifting that i kind of developed myself. im stoked to try it out and to push myself to my limits......it involves some brazilian jiu jitsu moves too

i bet ill really outdo my own expectations because ive been working so hard and pushing it

no pain no gain

day 76

people get hung up on the littlest most simple things sometimes and they let it stop their progress and halt their lives and dont realize that life is like a muscle and when it gets hard, thats when you've just gotta really bring it and keep it real and push it harder through all the pain

and thats how you get stronger whether youre talking about legs or the human mind or emotions or whatever. you cant stop and sit and waste your time when you could be doing something productive and getting stronger

she's dead and i wish everyone would just stop talking about it like it happened yesterday or something. boo fuckin hoo

day 76

everything happens for a reason

day 76

day 75

so im reading the fuckin dumb news and apparently the world is all fucked up but look at this

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20101110/hl_nm/us_adhd_obesity

it says ADHD is linked to adulthood obesity according to this one study
its pretty obvious that people have ADHD because there is something wrong with them so that they eat a bunch of sugar and soda and other bullshit that they crave which makes them more hyper and probably makes them eat more sugar OBVIOUSLY

so youre gonna get fat hahahahahahahahahaha

oh shit look at this one:

ORAL SEX OFTEN A PRELUDE TO INTERCOURSE FOR TEENS

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20101102/hl_nm/us_oral_sex

hahahahaha isnt it often a prelude to intercourse for everyone hahahaha fuckin stupid the news sucks

i gotta go work out my triceps. chair dips then im gonna get more coffee so this geranium extract works twice as hard and burns more fat not because my triceps are fat (they arent theyre pretty toned now)

day 74

what the fuck, why wont anyone subscribe to my blog

I READ ALL THE STUPID SHIT YOU PEOPLE ARE WRITING WHY IS NO ONE READING MINE WHEN IM OBVIOUSLY WORKING HARDER AND WRITING ABOUT COOL SHIT

AND IM PROBABLY IN BETTER SHAPE THAN HALF THE FUCKING PEOPLE WHO SPEND ALL THIS TIME ON THEIR FUCKING FANCY LAYOUTS AND SHIT - THEIR BLOGS THAT ARE PROBABLY RUN BY GOOGLE OR SOME HUGE CORPORATION OR THE GOVERNMENT THAT ARE GOING TO EXTRACT YOUR DATA ANYWAY ISNT THAT OBVIOUS THATS WHY THEY MAKE IT LOOK SO FUCKING GOOD AND MAKE YOU READ IT?

day 73

jason statham is pretty awesome and i dig that he's like, a real bald dude who is an action hero that isnt bruce willis. and chicks seem to be pretty into him too and he isnt like some pretty boy faggot or whatever but he's still good looking

i dunno i was looking at pictures of him though and he has kind of weak arms at least in this picture

my arms are definitely bigger and more defined although im probably not as tall as he is. ive been doing some acting work just to see what i look like on camera now and im actually pretty good. i think i wanna audition for some movies even if im just gonna be cast as like "the muscular guy" or a bouncer at a club or something. i dunno though actors make a ton of money and they get a lot of women what else do you want right

his face is kind of pointy too and ive always been told that my face is kind of round. i think i might call that girl again soon but i need to sell some shit so i can get some money so i can take her out

day 72

fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off


fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off

day 71

im getting a lot of acne on my inner thighs probably from my pants chaffing. i dunno maybe i should look into some supplements for my skin. i hope its not eczema i used to have it when i was a kid and it sucked


time to do back exercises for a few hours

day 70

is it fucked up that i actually think a lot of chicks look better when they kind of have eating disorders? i mean not too much but where you can see a lot of their definition in their neckbones




this chick would be perfect if she had bigger tits, its too bad girls tits kind of shrink when they stop eating i guess. sidenote: i just saw a chick in this shitty KROKUS video who looks just like her

day 69

DAY 69

Yup.

day 68

i met someone today....really cool girl. really fit and attractive, likes to watch me work out...i dunno, its pretty sweet. we just kinda hung out for a little bit today, no pressure or anything. it was kinda awkward at first but then we kind of bonded over working out i guess.

great minds think alike

i dunno im thinking ill probably be calling her a lot as things kinda pick up and once i get another job...then i'll get the chance to really show her who i am instead of just how good of shape im in

day 67

so i got a new camera today. its nice and i didnt even have to pay for it because the girl at the counter liked me. i just told her i was gonna take it and smiled at her and thats all i needed to do and it became mine.

LOOKS LIKE EVERYTHING IS COMING UP DREWCIFER

day 66

so my dad fucked up my video camera tonight after he was being a faggot, im just gonna go get another tomorrow

day 65

i need to work more on my triceps. theyre not nearly as defined as they should be. i remember before i really got with the program i didnt even know i had triceps let alone what they were. i probably would have thought they were a dinosaur or something. but now that im getting shredded i can sit and i can look at my arm and really see how everything works and what muscles help me with what activities and how what im doing really benefits me on a day to day level. people take for granted all of these muscles and how every single thing you do works some of them so they dont understand how important it is to keep them straight and to really maintain them. i dont want to end up some old decrepit dipshit in a wheelchair or something because i didnt take care of myself. fuck i mean i had like a gut and everything when i started and i had a weak lower back but now after toning a lot of those muscles and really focusing those exercises i can do all sorts of shit that i just always figured was like, something thats always gonna be messed up like i was born with a bad back or something when really i just never took the time to develop the muscles which i should have been doing all along i saw this kid named "little hercules" on youtube i think or it was the discovery channel or maybe it was lifetime im not really sure but he was this kid who was super ripped and like 8 years old and just in great shape and had like a really supportive family who was all about helping him work out and getting famous just by being healthy it was super cool. i mean, man, how lucky to be working out at such an early age - ive been fucking up most of my life by not doing any of this stuff earlier and im lucky i caught it before something happened like i bent down to pick up a newspaper and got a hernia and then got a broken dick and became a crazy alcoholic drunk like Nate was hahahahahahahahahahah!!!!

day 64

im sure glad i spent all this time collecting rare CDs and records and tapes and shit. im selling a lot of this stupid shit to the place down the street who are totally stoked to get a bunch of this rare bullshit. who cares

im not some fucking metal nerd anymore and i dont really need any of that stuff. its not helping me advance in life or achieve any of my goals and its just kind of taking up space anyway. so im just going to sell the shit to help me pay for a few things that are gonna help me really bring my A game to my work outs every day

day 63

so i clicked on this blog that was all focused on weight loss and guess what? its totally fuckin stupid. its like tips for 50 year old women who go to mcdonalds every day or something.

here

yeah thanks for the fucking suggestion that i should be motivated to work out because "your skin will look better". thats really going to help me get into excellent shape. what a waste of time



fuck dude, I just realized it's halloween...I havent even left the house today.  normally I'd celebrate by sitting around like a bitch smoking weed and listening to the Misfits and Death 'Scream Bloody Gore' but now I got way better shit to do. derp!

day 62

i really get a rush from some of this stuff i got. i picked up this herbal blend that has all these things in it like 1 3-dimethylamylamine. really potent stuff. i read all about it yesterday and there doesn't seem to be any negative effects. weight loss, improved mental acuity, alertness, better athletic performance....

its got some other natural stuff in it too. i dunno its all natural so who cares its not like i have to worry about it like im taking cocaine or something. they wouldnt sell the shit


dude at the store told me it helped him with definition

day 61

did arm and shoulder workouts
did leg workouts, did some exercises for my back
stretched
had a protein shake, did some cardio
now ill probably relax for a bit and do some research on the net on vitamins and supplements so i dont get ripped off by some dumb piece of shit when i go to pick some things up tomorrow with some of the money from my last paycheck


all before 8 AM

day 60

i lost my job. apparently you cant put stupid fucking assholes in their place without people thinking youre some kind of psycho

more dead weight lifted off my shoulders...which is kinda odd because now ill have more time to do things like dead weight lifts. just like when me and amber broke up. no more bullshit, no more living for other people, no more compromising.


is it weird that im happy? i dont care. ill get another job. ill be a boxer or a model or an athlete or fucking whatever. sky's the limit and im ready to push some limits.

day 59

im gonna get into boxing more now that i actually have the strength and the stamina to perform. a couple of months and a few pounds down and we'll see

day 58

seriously im so glad that i cleaned myself up and really look the way i feel inside. im getting looks everywhere i go, like, looks from people that aren't just "oh that guy is wearing a shirt with the word FUCK on it, i wonder what his deal is". ive never really had girls check me out before but its awesome and i can totally tell the difference in the way everyone sees me

even people at my job treat me with more respect now. probably because i look like im a badass now and i actually have some dignity

so im just gonna run with it and look my best and feel my best, and everything is gonna come my way because all you gotta do in life is ask the universe to provide for you and take the first step...the rest is up to your destiny

peace

day 57

some of these supplements are giving me the shits. i think its this chromium picolate but im not really sure

oh well maybe ill lose some water weight hahahahahaha!

back to work....

day 56

i took advantage of my day off today and did something for myself. i went and actually gave myself a haircut and cut my beard off. i havent actually seen my face in years. i originally grew my beard out because i didnt like the way my face was shaped. im thinner now and you can really tell. my face is kind of round but having lost some weight and really put on muscle, you can see i actually have a jawline. so i shaved my beard real close and short and did one of those beards that outlines your chin to really show everyone what my face looks like

and i look damn good, too. people arent gonna recognize me when i go back to work and thats how i want it to be. showing people im not the person they think i am and the person they probably want me to be just so they hold things over my head

no more looking like a frumpy idiot - time to start showing people what im really like on the inside and the outside

day 55

im transforming

and im transcending. the possibilities are endless.

day 54

every day im surrounded by dumb pieces of shit who walk around acting like they know what theyre talking about, like theyre better than me just because their moms and dads paid for them to go get an education. probably bribed their teachers too and everything else. as i get older and grow into who i really am i see more and more people around me who have never had to work for anything in their lives.

day 53

im not the same person i was before and im not going to be that person ever again.

day 52

i remember when i couldnt even do one pull up and seeing people in gym class do like, 10 or 11. they were always little guys but they were always the athletic ones too that could do everything else like run the mile in five minutes. they always had everyones respect because of that. i watched them all grow up and go to nice colleges and get hot girlfriends, like they all turned out normal and like everything was good just because they could do physical things

i could do "sit and reach" at my school. it was a flexibility thing and i was the second best at it in the school and had my name up on a board in the hallway. me and chris broke into that school a long time ago when we were still kids and my name was still up there, ten years later. too bad it was for being good at something weird which makes sense because all ive heard my whole life is how weird i am while ive sat and ive watched other people go through life and have it easy just because they were born normal or born with some sort of skill everyone respects them for.

yeah big fucking deal you can touch your toes, see how that gets you out of getting beaten up in the bathroom in middle school for being weird

fuck you

day 51

i dont think ill ever get tired of doing lunges. no matter how many more i can do or how easy they get, i wake up sore the next day and thats the kind of result you can take to the bank, everybody

DAY 50

ive been doing this for 50 days now. its the best thing i have ever done for myself. i shaved my head and finally cut off this beard ive had. i look a lot thinner and everyone tells me i look younger. still getting more and more glances from people when im out in public. i deserve this

day 49

i went shopping before work today. i havent bought clothes in a long time and now that im taking care of myself i figure i should be wearing stuff that kind of reflects how i feel about myself. i even bought some cologne too so i can smell nice for all the ladies

im feeling good about this and i know im making the right move towards real ultimate progression towards whats best for me

day 48

as i get more and more in shape and into my body and aware of myself im really growing up. im really getting my priorities straight and seeing my future come together. i dunno i feel like when im going out everyone is reacting favorably to me and it kinda feels like maybe people are checking me out more. maybe its not all sexual but im sure some of it is (not that im gay) and people probably can kind of tell what type of guy i am and that im motivated in life

that kind of thing people can just pick up on the same way im starting to notice certain things in other people that maybe they think i cant pick up on but i really can. the mind is much much much more powerful than people give it credit for and with a healthy body comes a healthy mind so it only makes sense that im even getting better at things like reading people

day 47

posting from work. this place totally sucks but i guess i already knew that from before hahahaha

i was reading some shit on the internet about nut butters, like peanut butter only with other nuts. i never really realized there were so many different kinds and a lot of them can be cooked into recipes and theyre still good for you. they have "good fats" and do all sorts of shit.

i dunno im gonna buy some to help me with mass and its supposed to help weight loss too and control your appetite and reduce your risk of diabetes (not that im gonna get diabetes because i actually work out unlike people with diabetes)

gotta go

day 46

feelin' fine

day 45

i'm not losing weight fast like i want to. im doing everything the right way and im still being held back by some stupid shit. so i'm gonna stop taking it and just do supplements and exercise from now on because thats what has PROVEN to give me results and made my life better in so many different ways

i can handle things differently now because i am a different person. im growing and nothings going to stop me because ive made a commitment to myself and my body

day 44

i keep getting this super bad muscle cramp in my back when im doing some of the roll exercises where you've gotta get up and go back down really fast. it feels like someone is stabbing a knife back there and then i have to stretch it out and push it against the arm of the couch

i bet i look totally stupid doing it but i guess thats one of the nice things about being alone

NP: SERBERUS

day 43

so i read this blog about HERSCHEL WALKER the other day. dude is absolutely ripped and i found out he's a vegetarian. he also only sleeps four hours a night and doesn't eat breakfast which is like, the total opposite of everything ive read but the dude is SHREDDED



haha me and my friends used to call bad weed "Mershal Walker" as a code word, as 'mersh was short for "commercial" which i guess meant shitty weed? i dunno weird when i think about it now. guess it doesnt make a whole lot of sense...

i dunno i dont really sleep a whole lot and i havent been sleeping well since some things happened but i sure as hell dont feel really good when i dont sleep. the only reason i feel good now is because of my workouts and changing the way i live and eat. but whatever being awake i get more stuff done and i probably burn more calories that way

i also found this picture of this dude but im not gonna say anything because i bet he could kick my ass so ill let you draw the conclusions

day 42

broke a weight today after i got pissed, OH WELL GUESS I GOTTA GO BUY ANOTHER THEN

whatever im mainly pissed that i had to cut my work-out short. so im gonna spend the rest of the day moving/listening to heavy shit whenever i can to hopefully make up for it

day 41

arms are sore. i need to get more glutamine

damn, stupid-ass me letting it run out to begin with. i was reading about chromium picolinate the other day, jury seems kinda out on it still but im gonna give it a try anyway to maybe cut some weight

i kinda like taking all these pills, especially the ones that make me feel stronger right away

day 40

ive kinda been learning something about this journey ive been undertaking. basically its the nature of reality and life and some of the things ive mentioned a little. all the stuff you hear in movies and tv and from your parents ends up being true. life really is what you make of it

i remember when i was a kid i was really negative. i was always into stuff like blood and war and evil and ufos and things like that. i found this picture a few years ago that i had made. i remember i probably made dozens of them. it was a picture of a person, hanging, with probably a hundred different things flying at them. knives, bombs, missiles, containers that read "mustard gas", buzzsaw blades, flame throwers, bazooka shells, and all sorts of shit. i was making this stuff when i was like, 6

my parents used to call me "eeyore" after that winnie the pooh character. i would get so mad at them when they called me that. one of the things that made me really step up to really do this for myself was that amber called me "eeyore" when i was complaining about something. i didnt let her know but it really hit me

so i decided to do something about it and turn my negative feelings into positive energy. i decided to channel all my frustration to really make something of myself and to really show that i care about myself now by getting in good shape. its to the point where the title of the blog (which was a joke) is kind of coming into reality. i feel invincible sometimes, like no matter what, as long as i keep working out and focusing on my goals that things are gonna be okay

i havent really felt like that ever - you know, that things are gonna be okay. people are gonna start calling me "tigger" by the end of this because ill be bouncing around with so much positive energy hahahaha

day 39

a lot of times i kinda wonder what my life would be like if i stuck with martial arts or got more into boxing like i wanted to a few years ago. im not saying id be the next chuck norris or whatever but i was pretty good and it was something i was interested in. it kept me in good shape and taught me a lot, and it was helpful because it was all scheduled and everything, kind of like the program

its cool that im getting back into this shit. i bet i could actually hold my own in a fight by the end of this program

Day 38

gettin results, gettin results

im stoked that i can really see a difference in my body and i'm not even halfway through the program. ive looked on a lot of blogs and seen a lot of super awesome results from people who go through the program over and over again and just get better and better

i feel way more confident about myself and my life

day 37

its important for me to stay focused at such a critical time and to not lose sight of the things i want out of life. people who are effective set goals and they reach them and they measure themselves by how they accomplish the things they set out to do, not by wealth or any of that other stuff

ive been doing a lot of thinking lately

day 36

ow ow ow, legs are sore. feels good though. its getting to the point where i just dont feel right if im not sore the next day. hahaha pretty weird if you ask me

Chris is a dipshit. we got into this argument about the singer of Dissection and why he got put in jail. i've always been a huge Dissection fan and i dont think i even remember Chris even liking them but he kept insisting that Jon got put in jail because some dude used his gun to kill someone, and in Sweden, that is considered to be a murder charge.

what i remembered was that Jon was in jail for like, using a stun gun on some dude who the other guy he was with later shot and he got in trouble for robbing graves. Chris kept saying his side over and over again so i went and googled it and found this SUPER OLD angelfire site from 2000 that kinda goes over it as it happens. here's one part:

The actual, legitimate, confirmed by CNN news is that Jon and Vlad are accusing each other! Jon also admitted to holding the victim after Vlad shot him with the electric gun. For what it's worth, the victim's name is Josef Ben Maddour.

AND THERES ANOTHER PART

Their story is that they had been partying for two days, when a 37 year old Algerian homosexual approached them and inquired about occultism, wanting to be a satanist. His manners disgusted Vlad and Jon, so they fetched a pistol, an electric shock weapon, amphetamine, and some beer from Jon's apartment (those Swedes love their alcohol as much as they like having their health and beauty spas!!). Vlad gave him three shocks, in an effort to "silence" him. This didn't work, so they tried to beat him up. The Algerian turned to run away, but Jon shot him once in the back and once in the head.

i was totally right. Chris is lucky i dont beat his ass for doubting my knowledge of metal

day 35

everything's still moving along, life continues

looking ahead to the future. things are gonna be good just the way they have been the past 34 days and theyre gonna keep being that way until i make the decision otherwise

life is what you make of it

day 34

i broke things off with amber. i dunno how i feel but it had to be done. at least ill have more free time to work on myself now.

tomorrow is my rest day. i dont feel like resting

NP: Dismember "Indecent and Obscene"

day 33

day 33....33 degrees of masonry hahaha

just a little conspiracy theory shit for you there. i dunno ive been reading a lot more now. well i mean i guess for me its a lot more. im kinda just reading old stuff that my mom gave me when she was around...like deepak chopra and wayne dyer and then some books that i stole from the mall a long time ago

shit about reptilian aliens and dudes like nikola tesla and jack parsons and aleister crowley. its all pretty metal hahaha



THE GREAT BEAST SPEAKS

day 32

god damn it, i wish people would just kinda leave me alone sometimes when im trying to get something done. i am fine, im just focused, so let me do what i need to do

FUCK!

day 31

worked on my arms and back today...did some more abdominal workouts...

you know chris is always wasting all his fucking time on these stupid ass "social networking" sites where it says he has 300 "friends", even though he doesnt have 300 friends. he has like 4 probably, 5 if you count my girlfriend but its not like they go and hang out or something

so just because someone remembers you from high school suddenly you guys are friends? like youre gonna socially network yourself into drinking some beers and playing HALO together suddenly. stupid shit, 2010 is gay and so is the internet

go outside once and a while. maybe go workout or something and prove you care about yourself

DAY 30

i made it. day 30, motherfuckers!

i dunno i guess ive just never been devoted to anything this much before. ive tried doing stuff and im just never finishing anything that i start, like dieting or exercising or times when i said i was gonna do something and then didnt...so its amazing to really see all the progress and hard work ive put in and i can proudly say its been 30 days

no turning back now, im dedicated

day 29

one more day and ive been doing this for a solid month

pretty awesome. people are noticing that ive lost weight and everything. its good. its really good.

day 28

yoga program - i can do a lot of the poses now. HA!

makes it seem like i can eventually get that one where you gotta balance on your hands

i figured out it's easier to do the yoga shit when I listen to sick funeral doom like shape of despair or anything with really crushing breakdowns like disembowelment or some shit.

day 27

im thinking about doing this cleanse thing where its supposed to kickstart your metabolism but the packages i was reading have all these warnings about diarrhea on them. i dunno im not really that cool with the idea of having a stomach ache for a few weeks or however long its supposed to go but its supposed to get you losing weight immediately

gotta go

day 26

im becoming a pretty determined person

26 days. thats over 3 weeks. i havent missed a day, havent screwed up my diet, and im seeing results. i dont even miss things like beer or candy or whatever anymore. its hard to believe that we live in a society that just lives like this, everyone sitting around, getting fat, not caring about themselves or how they look

they probably dont even know how bad they feel because they never stop to think about what theyre doing to themselves.

well thats not me, im not gonna waste my time and get old and turn into some pile of shit. the dude who does these videos is in his 40s and his totally ripped. im gonna be like that too. the way i see it you can kinda lay down and watch yourself fall apart and be totally weak or you can be strong and stand up and push yourself and maybe do a little work and see what happens

i dont get why everyone doesnt figure it out...its simple

day 25

hey chris

if youre reading this youre a fag

and the Aske EP is way more legit than Nattens Matrigal.  Get with the program poser.

day 24

looked at a place with amber...that was cool. landlord/caretaker dude seems cool. i dunno whatever i guess, im just supposed to stand there and look pretty while amber checks it out

anyway....

how the hell do people make a living blogging? i saw this dude on tv and his title was just "blogger" like thats his only fuckin job....yeah right dude that's retarded. dude probably eats ramen and writes about all the shits he takes or something because thats how poor he is from being a "blogging pro" or whatever

fuck that, i got better things to do with my time. i got things ive got to accomplish and stuff to live for

day 23

i got a bunch of exciting things coming up...some new shit to do at work...going to look at a place with amber tomorrow and also i'm going into the second part of the muscle confusion workout. its a blend of martial arts, weight lifting, and a lot of high intensity leg workouts. you kinda get your cardio from the martial arts and then you bulk up with the weights and the leg exercises, so the idea is that you slim down and youre bulking up at the same time. pretty cool if you ask me

its awesome that you can really tell they kinda found a mix between stuff that real normal people can do and mixed it with what the experts tell you to do, like just when your muscles are getting all torn up and worn out you realize youve got a totally different workout ahead of you or when you get tired youve got a day off suddenly

i dunno really what to do on my days off anymore. im just kinda so used to working out and pushing myself that when i get a day off i almost wanna just go do something anyway

but i gotta stick to the program if im gonna get SHREDDED i guess so thats what ill do. maybe when i get really far into it if im still getting bored on my days off ill kinda figure out what works for me, just like they say. do what works for you

we'll see

and by "we'll" i mean "i'll" because i know no one reads this anyway

day 22

i dont really have a whole lot to say today

Infernal Overkill is the best thrash record of all time and if you say otherwise youre a poser bitch.

i guess thats it

day 21

do you know how expensive some of these supplements are? jesus fuckin christ. this guy at my work today was telling me about this friend he has who seriously eats a dozen eggs a day and takes all these supplements so he can stay huge. i guess he spends all his money on food....if it were me and i was that big id just start grabbing shit cuz im sure everyone would be afraid to do anything....jk...haha...kinda

day 20

i dunno everything's going pretty good right now in my life. im not like, gonna freak out and say im a new man or whatever but i havent really felt this good in a while. i guess years of chugging soda and eating jalapeno pork rines (im serious theyre really good) is kinda hard on your body.


i switched to whole grain stuff now and i dont really miss all the junk food i used to eat. i crave it a little sometimes but i just do something to distract myself right away so i dont think about it.

the world is my oyster and im gonna eat it. just with hot sauce though. no butter or crackers or whatever. i actually dont really know because i dont eat a lot of oysters because im not fuckin rich or some shit. anyway you get what i mean i was just trying to be clever on the internet like all you assholes hahahaha

day 19

i cant believe im only on day 19 and feeling a million times better. i dont feel like im 60 years old anymore when i bend over to scrub carpets or pick up my keys on the ground that i dropped for the 4000th time in a day


i dunno, i dont even feel so stupid doing some of the weirder workouts anymore now that i can actually do some of them. looks like im finally doing something good for myself

day 18

i started taking this shit called vanadyl and now ive got all this energy. i did my workout with my arms and everything no problem except now my DVD player is fucking up. you get what you pay for, right? cheap piece of no-name crap

ive been taking this glutamine stuff which is supposed to make me feel less sore which i really think it works. im kinda worried about how ill sleep later with all this energy but no pain no gain. i can afford to lose a little sleep im sure.

im thinking about taking this stuff i read about called GABA (gamma something something acid) which is supposed to stimulate your body into making more muscle, basically. its supposed to give you some pretty messed up dreams, which i already have so i dunno if i want those to change

amber says its probably from stress from all the shit thats gone on the last few years but i dont think so, i think some people just have a lot of bad dreams. probably from all the metal i listen to or something hahahah

seriously though its mind over matter. they say everything happens for a reason and i know that im in a place where im making some positive changes and getting motivated. i feel really good right now and if you ask me, those are the results i need so thats what im gonna care about

day 17

i got amber working out with me now a little, which is cool. i dunno shit helps me so i assume its good for everyone, plus it kinda shows me how far ive come. im not saying its cool to see her struggle or whatever but its a reminder of how hard some of this stuff can be when you first start

things are going good. im not struggling like i did that one day. i still dont know what the fuck happened....

day 16

i did the plyometrics workout again. it was fine, i made it through the whole thing. im still pissed about yesterday but whatever. people say im always too hard on myself and maybe this is one of those cases but sometimes i think its important to be hard on yourself, because sometimes its the only way to get something done.

and im determined to get this shit done.

day fucking 15

i'm so fucking pissed right now

i went to do my workout and SUDDENLY i cant do a FUCKING THING. i did like, four pushups and suddenly i couldnt do anymore. its seriously the most frustrating thing ive ever encountered to randomly not be able to do some shit that i SHOULD be able to do without any problem at all, especially after being able to do it all this time

i wonder what the fuck happened? why did this happen? what am i doing wrong

i guess this just fucking goes to show you that anything can go to shit whenever, and just when you think things are good and okay everything gets fucked up again, because thats just the fucking way life is - a bunch of bullshit

so ill just work harder and maybe pay better attention to what i'm eating, or maybe i'll read into supplements more instead of just talking some fucking jerkoff's advice on the internet. ill do my own fucking research and figure it out, like the videos say - do whats best for me.

i feel like such a fucking loser about this. im not gonna let it happen again. bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit BULLSHIT

day 14

im actually starting to see results from this when i look in the mirror. my stomach has kinda slimmed down, so im stoked. i dunno i was never really fat or anything but this is good for me

fuck, today is september 11th

day 13

arms and shoulders

shit sucks but i feel great when i'm done with it, i can seriously feel it all through my arms the next day and all of my muscles are getting tighter. when i look back on this blog its cool that im keeping track of everything so i can really see whats going on and how into stuff i'm getting. just more motivation to push harder

here goes nothin

day 12

legs and back today, this one sucks but im gonna try and raise the intensity a little from where i was before, that way if i try it normal i'll be able to do it next week i'm thinking....

im still eating pretty good, this program actually lets you eat enough food so you dont feel all fucked up. its this whole chemistry of how and when your body can absorb nutrients and everything, so you gotta like, eat right away or take your supplements

gotta go, chris is here

day 11

nothing to say, just updating from work so i dont have to do it later. may as well get paid and take a minute to myself in this place

anyway just saying to say day 11, still on it and going strong

gotta go, probably not supposed to be using "company resources" or some dumb shit

day 10

ten days. ten days! pretty insane

bought some supplements. just kinda whatever this dude on this message board said to get who apparently is pretty ripped. but who the fuck knows its the internet, its probably some old fat cat lady or something telling me to buy shit thats gonna make me grow tits or something. hahaha god i hope not

anyway i am stoked that i've hit ten days. im proud that ive actually stuck to it and i think im gonna keep it up. im changing myself for the better

day 9

punch punch kick elbow punch elbow punch kick

you gotta be a rocket scientist to remember these combinations. i think its safe to say im never gonna be a prize fighter. ill stick to video games

time to go to shitty work

day 8

todays supposed to be my day off but im gonna do kind of a quick workout anyway just to keep myself all ready and whatever

big changes are coming i think. i like where things are headed. cool

thats it. back to work tomorrow with all the other chumps

day 7- metal metal metal

saw chris today. good dude. listened to some fucked up band called MAVETH - shit sounds evil. pretty blasting stuff, got a dude from excommunion in it so already im pretty stoked. i gotta get back into more music, maybe start playing guitar more. then ill be one of those super ripped bald guys like that dude from dissection who killed himself FOR SATAN. total badass in the dumbest way ever. i remember some dudes on a messageboard were saying he probably killed himself after he listened to that Maha Kali album.

what do you expect, dude put out a TECHNO album when he was in jail and that sucked too

im gonna go listen to some DAWN now while i work out

SAY YOUR PRAYERS! NOW! YOU! DIE!

day 6

i made a salad today with a bunch of tuna and green beans, and i used some eggs and tomatoes and stuff. but i dont really know how to make salads so the eggs kinda mixed with the dressing and now its all weird and mushy, but its got a lot of protein. and protein is good for me.

working out is a good distraction for me i think. when your life is kinda just, wake up, eat breakfast, take a shit (if youre lucky) go to work, come home, etc, etc, etc every day you kinda get bored. but its cool, ive only been doing this shit for like, almost a week and i already feel a little better when i have to do certain stuff at work.

not that i really care about being the best carpet cleaner or trash bag changer in the entire world, but shows how adjusting something in your life really changes everything

hah listen to me, i sound like a dork. i dunno what im talking about just rambling

day 5

yoga is stupid. i dunno how chicks can do that shit all the time. i read an interview with jean claude van damme a long time ago and he said he was really into it and it helped his martial arts. yeah well im not learning how to be a karate movie star, im just trying to get into better shape

if there is a hell i will be there with jean claude van damme and we will probably have to do yoga all day

day 4

hey...not a whole lot to report on. working out is still hard, surprise surprise. who would have thought that suddenly getting in shape would take so much energy and effort. oh wait, everybody! hahaha

im not complaining im just saying. its cool though some of the videos arent as lame as i thought they would be. i can see how someone could eventually kinda enjoy all the workouts

gotta give it time....

day 3

just finished arms and shoulders and the program you do for your abs....all i can say is "are you serious?" some of the guys in these videos are insane. i cant believe some of the stuff theyre doing but hopefully ill be there by the end of it.....

ive been eating better and i went to the grocery store yesterday. i bought some bison meat because its supposed to be really lean and good for you but then i didnt cook it right because i'm a fuckin dumbass and it was all rubbery and weird. i still ate it and it was okay. sucks being broke. maybe thats just how bison meat is. i dunno

at least the spinach i made with it was good. hahaha i guess by the end of this i might even turn into a good cook as a nice side bonus

day two

just finished this leg kinda cardio thing called "plyometrics". i couldnt finish the whole thing but i got pretty far

i knew i was gonna be sore i guess i just didnt know how sore i was gonna be...but what do you expect when you dont work out regularly. im sure in no time ill be able to finish this stuff and actually feel okay afterwards

anyway pretty normal day and i guess i really dont feel that bad considering how hard youve gotta push it on this program. i know in all the videos and the little booklets they say not to overwork it but i dont wanna just get normal results. this woman i know said she did the program and she looked exactly the same so i get the idea she probably wasnt doing it all the way as theres tons of stuff online that shows before and after photos.

i would feel kinda dumb if i kept telling people i was doing this program and ditching out on plans and ended up having nothing to show for it.

ok i dont have anything else to say right now so seeee yaaaa

day one

hey whats up


i dont know who im talking to but i guess im saying "whats up" anyway. who knows who is gonna read this other than me and if my girlfriend if she finds it...haha!

(just kidding ill probably tell her im writing it all down)

anyway im doing this program to get in better shape now after all these years of kinda treating my body like crap....im not getting any younger and i see all these people i went to school with on the internet now looking all rough and bad. im not gonna say i was ever one of the "pretty people" out there but if i can do something to improve myself then why not

anyway im not gonna make this too long. day one i started the day with bacon and eggs (still working on the lean protein part, eating whats left in the fridge kinda) and went through the first workout. im tired but i feel good. ended the day eating some lunch meat and stuff but i looked at the program and it actually kinda tells you to eat more than i thought so that's pretty cool i guess

i guess ill be pretty ripped soon....cool