day 40

ive kinda been learning something about this journey ive been undertaking. basically its the nature of reality and life and some of the things ive mentioned a little. all the stuff you hear in movies and tv and from your parents ends up being true. life really is what you make of it

i remember when i was a kid i was really negative. i was always into stuff like blood and war and evil and ufos and things like that. i found this picture a few years ago that i had made. i remember i probably made dozens of them. it was a picture of a person, hanging, with probably a hundred different things flying at them. knives, bombs, missiles, containers that read "mustard gas", buzzsaw blades, flame throwers, bazooka shells, and all sorts of shit. i was making this stuff when i was like, 6

my parents used to call me "eeyore" after that winnie the pooh character. i would get so mad at them when they called me that. one of the things that made me really step up to really do this for myself was that amber called me "eeyore" when i was complaining about something. i didnt let her know but it really hit me

so i decided to do something about it and turn my negative feelings into positive energy. i decided to channel all my frustration to really make something of myself and to really show that i care about myself now by getting in good shape. its to the point where the title of the blog (which was a joke) is kind of coming into reality. i feel invincible sometimes, like no matter what, as long as i keep working out and focusing on my goals that things are gonna be okay

i havent really felt like that ever - you know, that things are gonna be okay. people are gonna start calling me "tigger" by the end of this because ill be bouncing around with so much positive energy hahahaha