day 63

so i clicked on this blog that was all focused on weight loss and guess what? its totally fuckin stupid. its like tips for 50 year old women who go to mcdonalds every day or something.

here

yeah thanks for the fucking suggestion that i should be motivated to work out because "your skin will look better". thats really going to help me get into excellent shape. what a waste of time



fuck dude, I just realized it's halloween...I havent even left the house today.  normally I'd celebrate by sitting around like a bitch smoking weed and listening to the Misfits and Death 'Scream Bloody Gore' but now I got way better shit to do. derp!

day 62

i really get a rush from some of this stuff i got. i picked up this herbal blend that has all these things in it like 1 3-dimethylamylamine. really potent stuff. i read all about it yesterday and there doesn't seem to be any negative effects. weight loss, improved mental acuity, alertness, better athletic performance....

its got some other natural stuff in it too. i dunno its all natural so who cares its not like i have to worry about it like im taking cocaine or something. they wouldnt sell the shit


dude at the store told me it helped him with definition

day 61

did arm and shoulder workouts
did leg workouts, did some exercises for my back
stretched
had a protein shake, did some cardio
now ill probably relax for a bit and do some research on the net on vitamins and supplements so i dont get ripped off by some dumb piece of shit when i go to pick some things up tomorrow with some of the money from my last paycheck


all before 8 AM

day 60

i lost my job. apparently you cant put stupid fucking assholes in their place without people thinking youre some kind of psycho

more dead weight lifted off my shoulders...which is kinda odd because now ill have more time to do things like dead weight lifts. just like when me and amber broke up. no more bullshit, no more living for other people, no more compromising.


is it weird that im happy? i dont care. ill get another job. ill be a boxer or a model or an athlete or fucking whatever. sky's the limit and im ready to push some limits.

day 59

im gonna get into boxing more now that i actually have the strength and the stamina to perform. a couple of months and a few pounds down and we'll see

day 58

seriously im so glad that i cleaned myself up and really look the way i feel inside. im getting looks everywhere i go, like, looks from people that aren't just "oh that guy is wearing a shirt with the word FUCK on it, i wonder what his deal is". ive never really had girls check me out before but its awesome and i can totally tell the difference in the way everyone sees me

even people at my job treat me with more respect now. probably because i look like im a badass now and i actually have some dignity

so im just gonna run with it and look my best and feel my best, and everything is gonna come my way because all you gotta do in life is ask the universe to provide for you and take the first step...the rest is up to your destiny

peace

day 57

some of these supplements are giving me the shits. i think its this chromium picolate but im not really sure

oh well maybe ill lose some water weight hahahahahaha!

back to work....

day 56

i took advantage of my day off today and did something for myself. i went and actually gave myself a haircut and cut my beard off. i havent actually seen my face in years. i originally grew my beard out because i didnt like the way my face was shaped. im thinner now and you can really tell. my face is kind of round but having lost some weight and really put on muscle, you can see i actually have a jawline. so i shaved my beard real close and short and did one of those beards that outlines your chin to really show everyone what my face looks like

and i look damn good, too. people arent gonna recognize me when i go back to work and thats how i want it to be. showing people im not the person they think i am and the person they probably want me to be just so they hold things over my head

no more looking like a frumpy idiot - time to start showing people what im really like on the inside and the outside

day 55

im transforming

and im transcending. the possibilities are endless.

day 54

every day im surrounded by dumb pieces of shit who walk around acting like they know what theyre talking about, like theyre better than me just because their moms and dads paid for them to go get an education. probably bribed their teachers too and everything else. as i get older and grow into who i really am i see more and more people around me who have never had to work for anything in their lives.

day 53

im not the same person i was before and im not going to be that person ever again.

day 52

i remember when i couldnt even do one pull up and seeing people in gym class do like, 10 or 11. they were always little guys but they were always the athletic ones too that could do everything else like run the mile in five minutes. they always had everyones respect because of that. i watched them all grow up and go to nice colleges and get hot girlfriends, like they all turned out normal and like everything was good just because they could do physical things

i could do "sit and reach" at my school. it was a flexibility thing and i was the second best at it in the school and had my name up on a board in the hallway. me and chris broke into that school a long time ago when we were still kids and my name was still up there, ten years later. too bad it was for being good at something weird which makes sense because all ive heard my whole life is how weird i am while ive sat and ive watched other people go through life and have it easy just because they were born normal or born with some sort of skill everyone respects them for.

yeah big fucking deal you can touch your toes, see how that gets you out of getting beaten up in the bathroom in middle school for being weird

fuck you

day 51

i dont think ill ever get tired of doing lunges. no matter how many more i can do or how easy they get, i wake up sore the next day and thats the kind of result you can take to the bank, everybody

DAY 50

ive been doing this for 50 days now. its the best thing i have ever done for myself. i shaved my head and finally cut off this beard ive had. i look a lot thinner and everyone tells me i look younger. still getting more and more glances from people when im out in public. i deserve this

day 49

i went shopping before work today. i havent bought clothes in a long time and now that im taking care of myself i figure i should be wearing stuff that kind of reflects how i feel about myself. i even bought some cologne too so i can smell nice for all the ladies

im feeling good about this and i know im making the right move towards real ultimate progression towards whats best for me

day 48

as i get more and more in shape and into my body and aware of myself im really growing up. im really getting my priorities straight and seeing my future come together. i dunno i feel like when im going out everyone is reacting favorably to me and it kinda feels like maybe people are checking me out more. maybe its not all sexual but im sure some of it is (not that im gay) and people probably can kind of tell what type of guy i am and that im motivated in life

that kind of thing people can just pick up on the same way im starting to notice certain things in other people that maybe they think i cant pick up on but i really can. the mind is much much much more powerful than people give it credit for and with a healthy body comes a healthy mind so it only makes sense that im even getting better at things like reading people

day 47

posting from work. this place totally sucks but i guess i already knew that from before hahahaha

i was reading some shit on the internet about nut butters, like peanut butter only with other nuts. i never really realized there were so many different kinds and a lot of them can be cooked into recipes and theyre still good for you. they have "good fats" and do all sorts of shit.

i dunno im gonna buy some to help me with mass and its supposed to help weight loss too and control your appetite and reduce your risk of diabetes (not that im gonna get diabetes because i actually work out unlike people with diabetes)

gotta go

day 46

feelin' fine

day 45

i'm not losing weight fast like i want to. im doing everything the right way and im still being held back by some stupid shit. so i'm gonna stop taking it and just do supplements and exercise from now on because thats what has PROVEN to give me results and made my life better in so many different ways

i can handle things differently now because i am a different person. im growing and nothings going to stop me because ive made a commitment to myself and my body

day 44

i keep getting this super bad muscle cramp in my back when im doing some of the roll exercises where you've gotta get up and go back down really fast. it feels like someone is stabbing a knife back there and then i have to stretch it out and push it against the arm of the couch

i bet i look totally stupid doing it but i guess thats one of the nice things about being alone

NP: SERBERUS

day 43

so i read this blog about HERSCHEL WALKER the other day. dude is absolutely ripped and i found out he's a vegetarian. he also only sleeps four hours a night and doesn't eat breakfast which is like, the total opposite of everything ive read but the dude is SHREDDED



haha me and my friends used to call bad weed "Mershal Walker" as a code word, as 'mersh was short for "commercial" which i guess meant shitty weed? i dunno weird when i think about it now. guess it doesnt make a whole lot of sense...

i dunno i dont really sleep a whole lot and i havent been sleeping well since some things happened but i sure as hell dont feel really good when i dont sleep. the only reason i feel good now is because of my workouts and changing the way i live and eat. but whatever being awake i get more stuff done and i probably burn more calories that way

i also found this picture of this dude but im not gonna say anything because i bet he could kick my ass so ill let you draw the conclusions

day 42

broke a weight today after i got pissed, OH WELL GUESS I GOTTA GO BUY ANOTHER THEN

whatever im mainly pissed that i had to cut my work-out short. so im gonna spend the rest of the day moving/listening to heavy shit whenever i can to hopefully make up for it

day 41

arms are sore. i need to get more glutamine

damn, stupid-ass me letting it run out to begin with. i was reading about chromium picolinate the other day, jury seems kinda out on it still but im gonna give it a try anyway to maybe cut some weight

i kinda like taking all these pills, especially the ones that make me feel stronger right away

day 40

ive kinda been learning something about this journey ive been undertaking. basically its the nature of reality and life and some of the things ive mentioned a little. all the stuff you hear in movies and tv and from your parents ends up being true. life really is what you make of it

i remember when i was a kid i was really negative. i was always into stuff like blood and war and evil and ufos and things like that. i found this picture a few years ago that i had made. i remember i probably made dozens of them. it was a picture of a person, hanging, with probably a hundred different things flying at them. knives, bombs, missiles, containers that read "mustard gas", buzzsaw blades, flame throwers, bazooka shells, and all sorts of shit. i was making this stuff when i was like, 6

my parents used to call me "eeyore" after that winnie the pooh character. i would get so mad at them when they called me that. one of the things that made me really step up to really do this for myself was that amber called me "eeyore" when i was complaining about something. i didnt let her know but it really hit me

so i decided to do something about it and turn my negative feelings into positive energy. i decided to channel all my frustration to really make something of myself and to really show that i care about myself now by getting in good shape. its to the point where the title of the blog (which was a joke) is kind of coming into reality. i feel invincible sometimes, like no matter what, as long as i keep working out and focusing on my goals that things are gonna be okay

i havent really felt like that ever - you know, that things are gonna be okay. people are gonna start calling me "tigger" by the end of this because ill be bouncing around with so much positive energy hahahaha

day 39

a lot of times i kinda wonder what my life would be like if i stuck with martial arts or got more into boxing like i wanted to a few years ago. im not saying id be the next chuck norris or whatever but i was pretty good and it was something i was interested in. it kept me in good shape and taught me a lot, and it was helpful because it was all scheduled and everything, kind of like the program

its cool that im getting back into this shit. i bet i could actually hold my own in a fight by the end of this program

Day 38

gettin results, gettin results

im stoked that i can really see a difference in my body and i'm not even halfway through the program. ive looked on a lot of blogs and seen a lot of super awesome results from people who go through the program over and over again and just get better and better

i feel way more confident about myself and my life

day 37

its important for me to stay focused at such a critical time and to not lose sight of the things i want out of life. people who are effective set goals and they reach them and they measure themselves by how they accomplish the things they set out to do, not by wealth or any of that other stuff

ive been doing a lot of thinking lately

day 36

ow ow ow, legs are sore. feels good though. its getting to the point where i just dont feel right if im not sore the next day. hahaha pretty weird if you ask me

Chris is a dipshit. we got into this argument about the singer of Dissection and why he got put in jail. i've always been a huge Dissection fan and i dont think i even remember Chris even liking them but he kept insisting that Jon got put in jail because some dude used his gun to kill someone, and in Sweden, that is considered to be a murder charge.

what i remembered was that Jon was in jail for like, using a stun gun on some dude who the other guy he was with later shot and he got in trouble for robbing graves. Chris kept saying his side over and over again so i went and googled it and found this SUPER OLD angelfire site from 2000 that kinda goes over it as it happens. here's one part:

The actual, legitimate, confirmed by CNN news is that Jon and Vlad are accusing each other! Jon also admitted to holding the victim after Vlad shot him with the electric gun. For what it's worth, the victim's name is Josef Ben Maddour.

AND THERES ANOTHER PART

Their story is that they had been partying for two days, when a 37 year old Algerian homosexual approached them and inquired about occultism, wanting to be a satanist. His manners disgusted Vlad and Jon, so they fetched a pistol, an electric shock weapon, amphetamine, and some beer from Jon's apartment (those Swedes love their alcohol as much as they like having their health and beauty spas!!). Vlad gave him three shocks, in an effort to "silence" him. This didn't work, so they tried to beat him up. The Algerian turned to run away, but Jon shot him once in the back and once in the head.

i was totally right. Chris is lucky i dont beat his ass for doubting my knowledge of metal

day 35

everything's still moving along, life continues

looking ahead to the future. things are gonna be good just the way they have been the past 34 days and theyre gonna keep being that way until i make the decision otherwise

life is what you make of it

day 34

i broke things off with amber. i dunno how i feel but it had to be done. at least ill have more free time to work on myself now.

tomorrow is my rest day. i dont feel like resting

NP: Dismember "Indecent and Obscene"

day 33

day 33....33 degrees of masonry hahaha

just a little conspiracy theory shit for you there. i dunno ive been reading a lot more now. well i mean i guess for me its a lot more. im kinda just reading old stuff that my mom gave me when she was around...like deepak chopra and wayne dyer and then some books that i stole from the mall a long time ago

shit about reptilian aliens and dudes like nikola tesla and jack parsons and aleister crowley. its all pretty metal hahaha



THE GREAT BEAST SPEAKS